This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
