I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
