Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
