I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
40s are totally the cure
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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