I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Congratulations! We have a period
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