I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
