better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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