found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
