I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
