just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
