How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
