i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
