I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
