So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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