i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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