nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mom said you looked used
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
