just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Vodka?
Forever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
