just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
