he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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