My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
