dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
