I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
