things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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