i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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