we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
