It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
