But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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