I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
