I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is the high leading the old right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Randomize
