Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
