I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
