i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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