Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
