i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
bring money and cleavage
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
