Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
