The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
