chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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