pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
