Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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