if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
