you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
