dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They are going to name an STD after you.
You are the jesus of drinking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
