Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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