i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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