This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
