My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
