I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Boobs speak an international language.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
