How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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