the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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