Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
