Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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