Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
