I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
