the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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